LADIES This one is for YOU

Ok - let me just say - I have been a size 6 and loved it, I have been a size 14 and not loved it quite as much, but if you know me, you know that whatever size I am, I'm buying too many clothes to wear!  At the moment I have accepted the fact that im sitting around about at 10-12 AND according to the wii fit im 20kg over weight but.. well to be honest, im pretty happy where I am.. so.. I can not hoard all of my little size six and eight clothes forever, there is some really cute stuff that I just dont think Im going to fit into ever again.  Dont get me wrong I have donated a whole heap to charity, but what is left now is stuff that I feel needs to go to a good home, and perhaps I might get a few coins for!! 

For an inspection of Relle's ladies room and all she has to sell please email me or leave a comment on the blog, it looks like I will be a home owner soon so now is the time to lighten the load (kyle will thank you).  Quite literally first in BEST DRESSED!

PS - items up for grabs include entire work suits, burlesque costumes, general costumes and a whole heap of everything else!

Good Things Happen

Ok so this story is going to start of sounding like im pretty up myself, but there is a moral to the story I promise!

I was getting lunch in town today, when I felt a tap on my shoulder, instantly reverting back to my formative teen years I momentarily suspected it was store security, about to nick me for the lip gloss I bought in the shop the week before but still had not openend!

I was pleasantly surprised, instead I had been approached by a complete stranger who was about to make my day.  "Let me just say, your hair is amazing, really beautiful, I hope that does not sound strange, but I just had to tell you".  OMG!

I have to admit, I was not expecting such a compliment, but I did manage an earnest "Thank you", and my world famous blush (if you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about!).  And like that, my mystery giver of compliments was gone, but the feeling of pride lasted with me ALL DAY.

This lady could have easily walked past me and later told a friend about a girl she saw with great hair, she could have easily given me a crazy look to try to convey "great hair", but she took a leap of faith and actually gave me a compliment, and having done the same thing myself a few times, I can honestly say, its not as easy as you might think.  

Its actually quite scary to approach a stranger and offer a compliment, how odd is that, shouldn't  it be easy?  I mean I understand why it would be weird to walk up to someone and say "oh boy, you are ugly", but why is it so hard to offer a compliment?  

To be honest, I think its because we dont do it very often.  Its like wearing vintage hair do's.  Sure it looks great (the compliments speak for themselves), but it was actually quite scary for me to wear my do to work for the first time.  It's quite a statement compared to the standard bun and bobby pins!

So the moral of the story is this:  TRY IT.  I think that the feeling that you will get from offering a compliment, is as good as the feeling the reciever will have!  You get to feel proud that you found your voice, and that you have made someones day, and they get to feel great about that scary new hair do, or new pair of shoes, or great tie.  Of course all compliments have to be genuine, but when you see a chance to give one, take it!!

As for trying out your new red lipstick, or upsweep, or handsome slacks, the more you do it, the easier it is!  I now have a range of vintage dos that I wear to work and now I cant believe I ever used to rock up just with boring hair! 

Whether giving a compliment, or dressing to recieve one, do it with confidence and you will be fine!!

Top photo is my work do, middle photo is my clean hair do, and bottom photo is my in the kitchen look!! 

At It AGAIN - come see Relle and Em back on the V V X

OKOK - we are not on the poster - we are a mystery guest addition!  Em is back from China, my new 32 boned torture device arrived in the mail and we are ready to steam it up for you!!!  Put it in your diary, and buy a ticket today!!  Remember, get to where you want to go with the Vaudeville Vixen Express !

Sigh Another Rant - why so angry Relle?

I don't blame some guys for not being gentlemen, I do not blame them at ALL!  Today in a disappointing show of uberfemo-nazi rage I witnessed a woman berating a man for opening a door for her.  I saw them both walk toward the shop front, he picked up speed (I assume to beat her to the door to assist in the gentlemanly act of opening it for her), once she saw him pick up his speed she matched him and then some!  To be honest I think she got there just before he did and she reached to push the door, so he sorta reached over her head (being taller of the two) and assisted with keeping the door open.  THAT'S WHEN THE GRUMPING STARTED!

First she turned to him and instead of a smile or a thank you, she asked him "don't you think i can open a door myself?", without waiting for a reply she continued "It is men like you, who keep women down!"  WTF?!?!

He seemed to be murmuring an apology, and let go of the door he was holding open.  In my opinion sweet victory followed when the door closed on the woman, pinning her half inside, half out!  Apparently she could open the door but not keep it open long enough to pass through the door way whist yelling at random people!  

Of course this meant he was "bashing" this lady, using brutish violence in retaliation to being told off, anyone could see plain as day that this guy was really sorry that he bothered, and that under no circumstances could he have slammed the door on this lady, nor did he seem to have any intention to fight back.  I think he just wanted to walk away WHEN SHE CHASED HIM DOWN, and started with the yelling again.  

I don't really know how it escalated so quickly but within minutes there were threats against this guy, accusations of brutality and immorality, then in an odd change of tactic, she accused this guy of lusting after her, apparently in all the fluster he must have lowered his eyes (a common trick to make yourself seem submissive - never do this with children, they will hold it over you forever!), and she saw that as him lowering his eyes to her distractingly unsupported bosom!

More than anything I wanted to somehow save this guy - but I knew any attempt would be futile, I have seen similar displays of femo-nazi rage before, and NO ONE IS SAFE!.

I just think its sad that this guy might not ever try to open a door for anyone ever again and for all he knows the next time he is in a similar situation he will be met with a tirade of abuse for NOT opening a door!

I guess there are no real rules here any more, generally if I get to the door first, I open it for whoever else is there, man, woman or child (always do it for a woman carrying a child - I don't care if it means you get yelled at!), but to be honest I usually to the door dance!

The door dance requires you to read body language and project your own clearly, its that moment in time when he is near the door, and you linger back just for a second, its up to us these days to say "yes please, I would like you to open this door for me", and if someone is kind enough to oblige, you must say thank you, or smile with your whole face (not just a tight lipped pretend thank you!!). If there is confusion in the dance we must resist a huffy attempt at opening the door for him (he is probably the guy that got yelled at earlier!!)

I know that when I'm with my girlfriends, I tend to want to be the one to open doors, and I like to be the one to pretend to be all strong and tough in a crowd, but its no secret that I'm a firm believer that if a guy wants to be a gentlemen, then so be it!

I fear the day that no one wants to open a door for anyone, no one wants to offer to pay for this date or this drink and pretend like I'll get the next one.  I fear the day that one day we will forget to stand up when a lady joins the table, that we will forget to wait until our friends are safely inside their house before driving off.  

Most of all I fear that being a lady, and wanting to look nice, and wanting someone to order my dinner for me, and wanting someone to offer me his jacket when it is cold will one day be a social crime.  That it will be wrong to hold a door open, wrong to offer assistance, and wrong to compliment someone on looking nice.  

If that day ever comes, I rely on you all to rise up with me and start the new revolution!  Women we shall apply our anger red lipstick, gentlemen, well I guess you will just have to be agreeable with whatever master plan we come up with, because hell hath no fury, like a femo-nazi scorned!!

Excuse me dear - but it appears to be snowing

I remember standing at the bus stop - in the throws of a dark cold winter, wrapped layer upon layer like a little woolen strudel, when an immaculately dressed elderly lady shuffled close to me and whispered in my ear "Excuse me dear, but it appears to be snowing".

I looked about with wild wonder, only to be bitterly disappointed.  Rain, yes.  Sleet, maybe.  Snow... no where to be seen.  I smiled awkwardly at the old lady and just nodded a little.. again she whispered to me "Dear, it appears to be snowing", she then gave me a long look from my eyes, all the way to my hem line, where her gaze lingered a little to long!!  The bus was pulling up, and I was still confounded until I saw it, the lace on my slip, it was black with a white/cream speckle through it!  I adjusted my skirt and gave the old lady a "knowing look", and she seemed to be satisfied with my actions.

Later that day I relayed the story to my mum who called her mum and yes, it seems that in the charmed olden days, when the hem of a ladies slip fell below the hem of her skirt, one would remark "it appears to be snowing".  I have no idea what the secret code would have been in the middle of a hot summer, but am hoping to bring this secret code back into Vogue!!

Perhaps today of all days it might be most timely to work on bringing the code back, as this morning gave us the first snow of the season on our beloved Mt Wellington.  The boyfriend was dragged out of bed, the house guest shuffled to the window, the sister we let sleep, she is far taller than I am and I think she could knock me out with her hair.. but the three of us stood at the balcony window, wondering how in just a few short days it has gone from mild to wild in old Hobart town.

This week we have a full house of family and friends staying with us, and I could not be prouder of the weather!!Finally the Le Creuset can once again shine in its glory days of meaty casseroles and syrupy stewed fruit, the daggy but delicious flannelet jimmy jams can be worn with pride, and the ratty old blanket my nan made for me as a child can be pulled out of storage for solo snuggling on the couch.  No one will be wanting to drag me outside, I wont feel guilty about mid afternoon weekend naps, and best of all, I pick up the knitting needles again!

how to get goodness in your life before dawn (settle down!)

Response to my comments in my "how rude" blog sparked a flurry of story sharing, maybe I had better balance it out with a nice blog?

The other weekend, when I found myself too awake too early one morning, I snuck outside for one of my many guilty pleasures. 

I crept out of bed, put on my beanie and my short jimmy - jam bottoms,  unlocked the laundry door and took a deep breath in.

Slowly, slowly I unsteadily pattered down the concrete steps, growing ever more excited about what was about to happen next.. 

My feet were bare and super sensitive after relaxing for hours in my silky soft sheets, they could not wait to be on top of the cool and damp grass that was yet to be mowed in the back yard. The ground was wet with dew, and colder than I thought it would be, but it was so incredibly refreshing.  

At first I felt a little silly walking around in my jammas at some crazy hour of the morning, but I realised, just about everyone else would have been in bed asleep so all I could do was close my eyes and really concentrate on the morning around me.

A couple of birds were awake, dawn had not started when I took my first step outside, but it must not have been far away, the sky was looking clear and calm, and had started to get lighter without really seeing day break yet.  I knew it would not be long before the rest of the world would be up and getting on with their lives.. I felt I had not much more time to enjoy this guilty pleasure.

Toward the bottom end of the garden, there is a patch of grass that gets a little muddy, that is where I really wanted to be!  Slowly, deliberatly, I made my way across the grass, to where the mud was thick enough to creep between my toes, and to where if I needed to, I could hang onto the fence for support!

I stood on that spot until the mud around my feet had reached my body teperature, when that happens its time to find a new spot to stand on.. but on that day, it signaled time to head back inside, to see what early morning dreams if any, might visit me after my adventure in the yard.

On tip toes till I could make it to the sink, I felt little blops of mud left behind by my big toe and the balls of my feet, on this occasion the mud was already starting to dry and was not as slippy as I had hoped for!  With all the flexibility I could muster, I kicked each foot into the sink, one at a time to wash the dirt and dew off with freezing cold water - warm water just seems like cheating for some reason!

Doing a little dance on the bath towel that had been left on the floor from the night before, I did my best to dry off my tootsies before heading back to bed. 

As I slid back down between the top sheet and the bottom sheet, I could still smell the outside, I could still feel the cold of the air against my face and the ground against my feet.. Just imagine it - I can tell you're smiling!  Even in the middle of winter there is something about it that makes me so very happy!

Next time you cant sleep, don't lay there tossing and turning.  Kick off your bed socks and go for a little mission around your yard!  Not only will you fall to sleep within minutes of coming back inside, the peace you achive in your sleep will be amazing!

How Rude

I feel a Friday morning rant coming on!

Today I was walking down the street to get to work when in the distance I saw three well dressed men.  One looked to be mid 20's, the other mid 30's and the eldest I would say around about mid 50's.

I'm betting they were on their way to work, standard wool suits, cups of store bought coffee and that huddled walk that work colleagues seem to get. 

We were approaching each other at the same speed, me trying to get to my work, them trying to get to theirs, and then within moments we were approaching the same ground, the same bit of space on the foot path.. and then it happened.

I was rail roaded OFF the foot path, these guys kept their huddle - they kept their speed, until the last minute when they slowed down, but did not part their seas of uselessness.  Instead I had to step off the foot path, take a scenic tour around these guys and then get back onto the foot path!  HOW RUDE.

Don't get me wrong - I was not expecting one of these guys to take off his jacket, lay it across a puddle and bow as I walked past, I didn't even expect one of them to walk off the footpath and into the gutter, what would have been nice though is if they had broken their huddle, used some sort of sense of decency, and through some spacial awareness, we all could have made our way to work without leaving the footpath.

I don't think that being a swing dancer has given me unrealistic expectations for how gentlemen and ladies should behave, I do think though that my morning would have started off a lot better if these guys had just taken a moment to think about common courtesy and social politeness.  I'm not a vindictive person - but I hope one of them sneezed and spilt his burning coffee all over everyone else!!

Rant over.