Hey Bill, is that your dog?

I wade with caution into this discussion but I feel like I should join in the great debate of “who leads and who follows” and the on going conjecture over whether a good follow simply follows or if too contributes to the lead of the dance. 

To me, learning to dance is like learning a new language.  At first, you only learn statements

• My name is Bill
• My dog is brown
• I need to pee

This concept may be more familiar to the leads as at first, they are the ones doing the talking, in your first phase of dancing leads tend to make statements at their follows, and we ask the follows to bare with it!!

Next comes questions

• What is your name
• What color is your dog
• Where is the bathroom

We are getting closer to a conversation, but its still the leads asking all the questions, and the follows nodding along trying to reply when they can but there is no real flow

-          My name is bill, what is your name, My dog is brown what color is your dog, I need to pee, where is the bathroom

After a while, the leads get a feeling for when to make a statement, when to ask a question, when to wait for an answer, and when to move onto a new topic, this tends to be around about the same time that the follow feels she can also freely contribute to the conversation

• Hi my name is bill, what’s your name?
• Hey Bill, my name is Sarah, how you doing?
• Good thanks Sarah
• Hey bill is that your dog?

You get the picture right?  But like a getting to know you conversation in a loud pub, quite often things can be missed, or misunderstood, and if you’re anything like me, sometimes you might find yourself talking over someone by accident!!  Just as we do when we are having a verbal conversation with someone, we learn to apologize for butting in, we ask for a repeat when we mishear, we learn to speak clearer when there is a lot going on, and  we get better at conversational communication the more we practice.

The truth is, some people like to listen to great stories, others like to tell great stories, and some like to join into conversations that they hear along the way.  I don’t think a bad follow is one that is captivated by the story, who does not like to illustrate too much and who likes to enjoy the journey so to speak.  Nor does it make for a bad follow if she actively participates in the conversation, adds in voices for the characters you’ve created, and at times, generally makes up new parts to the story (never let the truth get in the way of a good dance).  The same goes for a lead, sometimes its hard enough to just start the conversation with the ladies, let alone back it up with 3 mins of interesting banter!  At other times there is so much to say that you just need to get it all out and you silently pray that she keeps quiet and lets you finish your story!!

As long as both people have a chance to have their say, and the dance generally follows a conversation and not a great debate, then its usually smooth sailing.  This is what I feel is the role of the lead and follow – to have a conversation through their dance, and end up knowing where the bathroom is and who owns the brown dog!