These are the mystery noises behind a male friend of mines bathroom door when he is getting ready. I often wonder what he does in there for the hour before he goes out, and the other weekend seemed to be the perfect time to break down all social barriers, plonk myself down on the toilet lid and observe the male of the species in his pre-pick up ritual.
It all starts with a shower (ok i was not in the room for that part.. but from what I can gather the whole thing was pretty standard, there was some hair washing, and to my surprise the use of conditioner after (even though it is prone to making his hair.. fluffy), and the cleansing power of soap was also an essential marker for this bathing experience, this guy in particular is not at all ashamed to admit - he uses dove, he finds the 1/4 moisturiser helpful in maintaining a softness in his skin (ladies, he is single!!).
Once showered and a towel slung low around his swimmers V, I was allowed in to see what all the fuss is about.
Apparently there is quite an art to shaving the face, it involves a sink full of warm water, some of the more expensive brand of shaving gel, that is applied to a damp face (apparently this also feels nicer than the foam, and negates the need for oil.. there is oil??). The razor was new, and silver - you have me there, I was distracted by the silver and did not check for the brand.
Anyway so the shaving was happening, and i was memorized, the shave was close, and i think i was secretly attracted to the danger!! Once that was done, the cleansing began. Apparently some guys think that shaving gel is the same as a cleanser, its not. You gotta use a cleanser to make sure there is no shaving gel left in your skin, follow that up with either a splash of cold water, or some toner if you re into that kind of thing and then most importantly gently pat the face with a non girly scented moisturiser!
Once the face is primed, after shave can be applied although these days, it seems there is a lean away from after shave toward manpume. This gets sprayed on now - onto the body, warms up the scent and "stains the skin".
It gets trickier, next is the deodorant V antiperspirant convo. Deodorant sometimes just makes you smell nice either by covering the smell with a new one, or by not allowing the smelly bacteria to grow, antiperspirant sometimes has no smell just sorta stops you from getting stinky by either making you sweat less or again making the bacteria not grow. What you want to do is with any luck find a product that does both, but if had to choose i would choose stink free and damp, rather than damp and stinky. Anyway, read your own labels!!
Spray, roll, squirt, rub on your deodorant/antiperspirant and leave under your arms to dry whilst you groom your hair.. this way you re not putting a shirt onto damp under arms and you wont accidentally get hair product on your collar...
Singlet goes on, shirt goes on, pants go on over top of underpants (I'm gonna suggest those butt hugging ones that are like boylegs or something? they are shorts but underpants all at the same time..) and you can accessorise how you want.. but be warned.. if this guy were a dancer, in his bag he would pack:
A change of singlet (or two, or three)
A change of shirt (or two, or three)
Potentially a change of pants.. you never know!
A change of socks
Talk powder (sometimes the feet need it..)
More deodorant
The manpume
Comb for the hair
Refresher towel (you can get these at coles, woolies etc, they are like wet ones for kids, but grown ups use them under the arms, back of the neck, it cleanses and then leaves the skin smooth and dry)
Face washer or towel, for a general mop up
Mints
Water
Its tough being a guy, with all the mid dance maintenance that needs to happen, its not enough that you leave the house looking good and smelling amazing, you have to dance your behind off and still look great and smell amazing!
Anyway.. this man friend of mine is not a swing dancer, but he does hit the clubs pretty hard, and now that passive smoking cant be blamed for that rank smell you walk home with, its more important than ever that the good times roll all night.
I did meet up with my man friend, mid morning the following day (one of us, not me, had done the walk of shame from someones "couch" to the cafe) and as i gave him a high five and a hug hello, his breath was minty fresh from his mentos, his skin was still smooth from last nights close shave, he did smell a little musky, I think its that smell that all boys get, but his collar still smelt of manpume, and BO was not to be smelt anywhere.. After the $100.00 of booze and 6 hrs to dance it all off with, this guy was still doing ok. I guess like any piece of art, it all starts in the preparation.
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