All boobies are women - treat them like ladies!

DCS is drawing ever closer, and my bet is most of you have got your costumes well underway, for both the "Suit Up" themed ball and the lesser known "impress the pants off of everyone in my fantastic new outfit that I've been saving for just this occasion" Friday night welcome even. for those of you who have been around for my phases such as, "can you see my nippies in this?", "how short is too short?", "can i wear plunging necklines with high slits?" and lets not forget, "I cant breathe, sit down, talk or dance but damn my ass looks great in this outfit", come with me for a little outfit choosing journey.

Of late my favourite phrase is - if you cant jog in it - don't wear it dancing! And no matter how hot you are in that ankle length pink high wasted, puffy sleeved, backless, attention grabbing, bust squeezing, thigh defining disco number - this phrase will ring true EVERY TIME.

You know me, don't like to have too many rules.. but let me lay down some law for the ladies..
1 - Wear a bra! I'm not joking.. from A cup to G cup our girls should be treated like ladies and a bra is essential, if not only for your comfort, then at least for the comfort of the poor clasp searching lead you are dancing with.

2- dress straps are mandatory, sleeves are better, "boob toob, pray to god the stay there with all the Hollywood tape you could by at sports girl" is not going to cut it for long! Once again, your boobs are ladies, keep em under wraps!

3- high heels make a grand entrance, right into the thigh of some innocent behind a Charleston frenzy. By all means wear them out, wear them to the venue, but once there, slip into something a little more comfy.. I my self cant go past my 10.00 pair of keds rip offs!

4 - Hair ties are golden, if you are blessed with long flowing locks of beauty, I'm not suggesting you hide them away, I'm just saying, ever been whipped in the face with a riding crop? its what your hair feels like flashing past my face flesh.. if you need some "updo" inspiration let me know, Ive been doing hair and make up for swing events for ever!!

5 - BIG PANTIES!! sure you get a panty line, sure everyone knows you got your granny panties on, let me tell you though, you will not regret the choice when you are in the air, legs akimbo, shrrreeekinnnggg "oh my god my skirt is around my ears". It happens!

If you have your outfit ready at home or if you have your eye on a little somethin something, here is the fail safe outfit test.

Home outfit test:
1 put your whole outfit on, earrings, shoes, panties etc, take a good long look at yourself in the mirror.. you are beautiful.

2 plug in the vacuum cleaner and go to town on your house, make sure you get into all the nooks and crannies, get down low... LOW.. under the couch.. get up high..HIGH.. get those cob webs you have been eyeing off whilst slumping on the bed.

3 by now you should be hot, puffed, stretched and with any luck.. big panties = no wedgie.. now stand on your bed and jump.. Jump i say.. little fast jumps.. bouncy high jumps (I have no insurance for broken legs or beds - I accept no responsibility!!).. how our your ladies?? in place?? good!

If your outfit makes it through that test.. you are onto a winner. If you are yet to purchase then you need to:

1 Put the outfit on. If you are lucky enough to be in a change room with five thousand mirrors and fluorescent lighting - yay for you! Now with all the might you have dance like you are in flash dance.. tight little jogging on the spot - hands up high, knees up high, chin up high.. WHAT A FEELING...just imagine the beginners warm up in a confined space - dance like a pirate, I dare you!

2 Crouch down low, lower, lower.. any plumbers crack? whilst crouching down - place your hands in the air, if nothing breaks and you still look hot - by it, actually buy two.. no regrets!

I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone that perfume is beautiful, a subtle layer that sits above your anti perspirant your shiny clean teeth are a real asset, and your neatly groomed nails really show of you delicate hands. Go get em ladies, and gents, stay tuned for your tips to follow shortly!